Adventures in Toilet Repair

A properly functioning toilet is something that most of us probably take for granted. Just sit, shit, flush and, voila! The excrement is gone into the bowels of the sewer system. It is only when you flush and, instead of the water being sucked into the bowels, it is expelled onto your bathroom floor at the rate of a small tsunami issuing forth from the bowl's base that you are forced to begin to consider critically the inner workings of a toilet not as something that just magically works when the handle is depressed but as a series of interconnected functions that, when fully actualized, results in that magic.
--It should be noted here that the toilet has seen a pretty considerable proliferation in appelations over the years a few of which, just for the hell of it, are listed below:
1. Shitter
2. Water Closet
3. Can
4. Loo
5. Porcelain God
6. Crapper
7. John
8. Lavatory
9. Head
10. Camode
11. Potty
To name a few--
This was exactly the case in my most recent and significant situation involving our many-named bathroom denizen. It was morning, during our routine get-ready-for-work behavioral sequences. Robin had just finished on the potty when, after depressing the handle, she made this observation:
"I think the toilet is leaking."
And an astute observation it was. The tsunami was gushing forth at a rate of speed that, if not acted upon quickly, would have found it's way right into our living room. There wasn't much time to think: 1) turn off water source; 2) throw towels down. Before long a considerable portion of our towel population was thoroughly sogged, draped over the top of our shower doors and we were staring in contemplation at the double-crossing bastard. Now, being that my command over the toilet-repair-skillset was literally nonexistent (well, of course I can operate a plunger and reattach the chain in the basin to the handle if it falls off) my diagnosis of the problem was an improper caulking job at it's base. Just for confirmation I contacted my brother who has a better mind for such matters and it was he who informed me as to what would be necessary to fix the problem appropriately: It wasn't the caulking at all but instead the wax seal. A simple repair he assured me, especially since I was a college graduate and all, with parts obtainable at any standard hardware store for a cheap price.
With my wax seal kit in hand + the knowledge gained from a few "How to replace a wax seal" youtube videos I was prepared to complete the job. The original Johnny bolts were easily removed and when the entire unit was lifted off there was the sewer system's throat, indifferent swallower of feces and urine, delving downward into the darkness. In removing the old and rusted Johnny bolts it came to my attention that the metal bracket to which the toilet is secured by the aforementioned hardware was completly rusted through on one side which ended up making the job twice as difficult due to the fact that the metal wasn't strong enough to withstand the torque necessary to tighten the nuts. It took a couple attempts to get the toilet positioned properly once the new wax seal was attached in place and at one point a johnny bolt stuck to the gooey stuff when attempting one of these repositionings. And then, before we knew it, the thing disappeared into the sewer's throat. Foul smelling indifferent swallower! Fortunatley, it was caught in a bend and easily retrievable with a customized coat hanger but for a moment there a fierce, self-directed anger made itself known and I was close to just tossing the porecealin god into a garbage can and using the hole there on the floor in a manner similar to the toilets in Southeast Asia.
With some focus the job was finally completed, the thing was caulked to the floor, and now we eliminate like good Americans once again!